oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
