I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
