he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
