You smell like stripper and shame
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
