I'm eating all of the evidence.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
