I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
