her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
