called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
