dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
