Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
