Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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