went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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