Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
