Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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