Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
