So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
