This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
