Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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