If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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