my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize