wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize