It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
