Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
