Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
