Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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