I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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