I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
