He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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