you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
