he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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