i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize