I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is Oprah even human
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
