whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
