Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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