You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
