I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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