Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i think my mom watched the whole time

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(845): View more from New York

This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!

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(330): View more from Ohio

apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn

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(518): View more from New York

i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??

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(317): View more from Indiana

I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?

(467): View more from

I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?

(317): View more from Indiana

Can you ship it to me then?

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.

(617): View more from Massachusetts

is your ankle ok??

(603): View more from New Hampshire

WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME

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