I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yo dont text me then not text me
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
