I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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