..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
