I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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