If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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