Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
