My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
