but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
