Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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