he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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