You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
