"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
