you guys were way drunker than both of me
I smell stomach acid.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
