I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
