You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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