if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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