Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize