Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
