Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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