just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
