i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
