beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
