And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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