I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize
