Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
