i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The uberlube is also flammable
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
