Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize