Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
