Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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