Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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