I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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