Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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