My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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