Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
