the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
