You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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