you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
