dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
