He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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